Agony Of Indifferent Hope

Agony Of Indifferent Hope
© Surazeus
2018 08 30

The strange agony of indifferent hope
urges him to drag himself out of bed,
so he showers and dresses in gray suit,
then walks down the street to wait by the sign,
staring at birds while waiting for the bus,
eager for strange new adventures of life.

While sitting on the very crowded bus
on aisle seat where standing people grasp poles
he feels strange sensation of desperate fear
so he glances beside him at the girl
and feels startled to realize that she fears
he might molest her while the bus glides fast.

Sinking into horror of loneliness
that this strange girl fears his evil intent
when he intends no evil, only love
for her success and happiness in life,
Indifferent Boy stares forlorn out the window
at houses where happy families must dwell.

Stepping off the bus on the downtown street,
he ignores the girl who hurries away,
and pushes through glass doors in office tower
to ride the crowded elevator high
in awkward silence of familiar people
he sees every day though they have no names.

Sitting at his desk in small cubicle,
Indifferent Boy stares at the blank glass screen
of old computer for a while, and dreams
of walking by the river with the girl
on the bus, holding hands as they share dreams,
then stands up to go get a cup of coffee.

Face to face with the office manager,
he grins and lifts up his large empty cup,
but Bob frowns and tells him that he is fired
in the latest round of personnel cuts,
so Indifferent Boy stares at his bare desk,
then rides back down the empty elevator.

Wandering through crowds of people striding quickly
on very important business, he sits
on park bench to stare at the sparkling fountain
where birds flit chirping between maple trees,
wondering why he even exists at all,
then shakes his head at the absurdity.

Glancing up at the bark of angry shouts,
Indifferent Boy sees three police aim guns
at the head of the young unarmed black boy
holding up both hands high over his head
while he insists that he is innocent
but they shout, get down, face down on the ground.

Lifting up his smart phone with camera,
Indifferent Boy records intense event
while sitting quietly on the park bench,
watching as the unarmed boy backs away
and shouts that he is innocent of crime,
and then police fire bullets in his chest.

The unarmed black boy falls onto his back,
both arms still stretched upward at the blank sky,
and moans in shock as watching people scream,
then police talk on shoulder radios
and keep their guns aimed at head of the boy
while pushing people back with outstretched arms.

The unarmed black boy lies on city street
for almost an hour, staring at blank sky,
and bleeds rivers of rage that drown the world
while passing people gather in large crowd
who chant demands that justice must be done,
while police guard the boy, gripping their guns.

Sirens wail as the ambulance arrives,
and paramedics in white suits jump out
then strap the dead boy to the metal gurney
and slip him behind white doors that slam shut,
so police insist that people disperse
but arrest people screaming at their faces.

Uploading video of the shooting spree
without comment to social media sites,
Indifferent Boy looks at watch on his wrist,
and ponders the meaninglessness of time
while walking to the unemployment office
where he stands in line to file paperwork.

Walking home instead of paying for bus fare,
Indifferent Boy watches people drive cars,
sits silently in his room countless hours,
then wears jeans, hiking boots, and long wool coat,
and, taking guitar, he walks out the door,
and strolls the highway heading out of town.