Thursday, September 20, 2018

Attempting To Play God

Attempting To Play God
© Surazeus
2018 09 20

These weird thoughts have floated around my head
for many years on strange shadowy wings
before I captured them in verbal form,
sewing them in howling monster of truth
like Frankenstein attempting to play God.

While crawling deeper through my memories
I find vast caverns of deep shining pools
where visions of my childhood afternoons
shimmer around me in veil of desire
to sing the beauty of sweet love I lost.

Entranced by structure of the glowing diamond,
I gaze at vision of infinity
when bright rays of light from spiraling suns
weave conscious spirit in my flashing brain
so I remember before I was born.

Each atom sparkling in my body cells
first spiraled from bright flash of the big bang
so every era of its journey far
pulsing forever in the singing star
energizes conscious dream of my brain.

I want to walk with you in singing rain,
I mumble while curled in strange fever dream
alone on desolate moor of swirling mist
where three transparent angels flow fire wings
to weave new body for my aching soul.

I floated in the sea ten million years
then crawled up shining river of desire
to rise from flashing lake and stretch my arms
toward twinkling stars who give me ancient name
while I pluck fruit from tree of life to feast.

I touch my face with hands of wispy smoke
and feel my bones recite frail brittle glass
of aching hope for nothing made from rain
that slides down curving angle of my face
so I become clown of the human race.

Ten thousand leaves still dancing on green wind
assemble form of spirit I inhabit
so I play puppet of the unseen god
that people tell me exist in the clouds
though nothing but wind replies to my call.

Soft sand of the beach beneath my bare feet
shoot sparks of sensation up to my hands
and glittering ocean waves flash in my eyes
excited rays of transcendental faith
so I feel souls of everyone who lived.

They walk beside me on the ocean beach
and tell me their tales in the singing waves
but then I sit on the slimed rock and cry
because their bodies rotted into muck
to leave white skeletons smiling at me.

I hold the skulls of my mother and father
in each hand as I feel the ocean breeze
whisper through their hollow eyes the lost truth
I can never quite express in tongue sounds
that buffet from my mouth when I howl thoughts.

They were all around me since I was born,
the people of my tribe with flashing eyes,
leaping and laughing and talking together
as we walked along the beach to find food,
and sat around the fire in twilight glow.

Now they are all gone, vanished in the wind,
yet I seem to still be alive in flesh
that covers my own hidden skeleton,
so I imitate their leaps and their laughs,
but stand staring forever at the sun.

Who am I, I ask the vast singing sea,
and the sea tells me I am its lost child,
so I float in the waves under vast sky
curved like the eye of my mother whose voice
I hear in wind so I look everywhere.

Everyone who ever lived before me
lives again in eyes of my beating heart
so I leap in the surging waves of light
and dance upright along edge of the world
ever forward toward some distant desire.

Strange shadowy wings flutter above me
so I look upward to see the large demon
my father mimicked, dancing around camp,
so I gasp in horror and swim toward shore
then run along sand as it swoops at me.

Sharp claws flash as it glides swift on broad wings
so I dive and roll as it shrieks at me
and its claw rips my back as it soars high
and curves around to dive at me again,
so I grasp long stick and stone from the sand.

Standing firm with stick pointed at its chest,
I howl in fierce wind as the demon swoops
and shrieks so loud it terrifies my heart
but I thrust the stick that pierces its heart,
causing it to tumble flapping on sand.

Leaping on its chest, I howl in wild rage,
then raise the rock and smash its writhing head
till its skull shatters and blood spurts out red,
and I beat my chest in bold victory,
then curl on warm sand to cry at the shock.

Roasting the large bird over crackling fire,
I hum strange melodies of satisfaction,
then as the stars sparkle over the sea
I feast on roasted meat of the fierce demon
while the waves preserve ancient memories.

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