Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Your Controlling Game

Your Controlling Game
© Surazeus
2018 06 06

Together yet alone we live each day,
walking past each other with the brief smile
that illuminates the recessive way
we exercise the ethics of denial.

The girl you see I play with sly pizzazz,
strolling in high heels and straight slender skirt,
sipping red wine while I listen to jazz,
disdaining to notice you when you flirt.

The stars that shimmer in the sunless sky
beamed rays we see billions of years ago
so I question everything in my eye,
seeking to perceive the transcendent flow.

I change disguise each new morning I wake
so you will never see the me I am
when I drink the sunlight by the soul lake
and weave my experience in ancient dream.

When you grabbed me and forced me to submit
to blind aggressive force of your desire,
I sought the gloom where no one goes to sit,
but wandered toward oblivion of despair.

Strange anguish that tears blank holes in my heart
propels me toward abyss of howling rage,
so I calmly design new action chart
performing tragic characters on stage.

I feel I slept a thousand years in fear
of your obsession to think you own me,
but now I proclaim Me Too loud and clear
to break those chains since I am always free.

Your forceful anger when you raped me destroyed
field of innocence that shielded my soul
from hard realities because you toyed
with trusting nature that once kept me whole.

Once sweet and innocent I played my game
of give and take with faith in true romance,
but now I hide my heart behind hard name
and go about my life in measured trance.

The world now celebrates your crafty art,
praising you for intense stories you write,
but while you thrive I am falling apart,
ignored in the dark while your fame shines bright.

I push away each boy who flirts with me
although he seems sincere with loving faith
since now I question their sincerity,
still haunted by the poison of your wraith.

If he can clue his way through labyrinth
that hides my heart in maze of thorny fears
then he deserves the treasure he can win
when he understands the source of my tears.

I want to open up and trust his love
but at each hint of controlling behavior
I tighten armor of my heart above
and remember that I am my own savior.

I thought I was the only one you used,
but many join the chorus of my claim,
so we are human beings whom you abused
rising now to stop your controlling game.


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