2016 11 20
Sick with fever from a festering sore throat,
I float in pool of hot water to soak
in death for an hour which kills nasty germs.
When I close my eyes I see in dark gloom
eye of knowing flame gazing down at me,
then tremble in fearful hope that some god
beyond the glowing sphere of cycling stars
watches me with great eye of wrathful love.
I wonder if this conscious deity,
which my father described in vivid words,
created my body from river mud
by breathing gusty wind of hills in my breast
and sparked my heart to beat with sunlight flames,
which causes me to wake each glowing dawn
and search for food to satisfy my need.
Do you organize drama of my life,
I ask the silent watching eye of fire,
and guide my pointless wandering in this world
on signless roads for purpose to exist,
and manage opportunities to work
so I may care for my children and wife?
Then glowing eye of fire fades in dim gloom
and I float nameless in vast empty void
of selfless peace, bodiless soul of light
who feels all stars of burning atoms flash
in spiral web of song, that forms huge egg
of spinning galaxies which bulge one space,
pulse through channels of my frail throbbing flesh.
Waking inside heavy body of flesh,
I open my eyes and see clear blue sky
surrounding globe of hills where rivers flow,
and then I realize that eye of flame
was nothing more than my own watching eye
reflected on the mirror of blank death.
No conscious god outside vast shell of stars
created me, nor plots course of my life,
for consciousness that wakes from lightless gloom,
fueled aware by seething rays of sunlight,
shines nowhere else but inside my own brain.
I stand reborn in cool refreshing rain
and walk through wet grass and dew-sparkling trees
along the gushing river of my veins,
and feel high hills pulse as I breathe wild wind.
Philosophers once described universe
as globe composed of swirling elements
surrounded by huge crystal shells of stars,
but now with telescopes we can perceive
our universe is one enormous bubble
of shining light, like single drop of rain
that contains billions of huge galaxies.
Each drop of rain reflects our universe
as each brain reflects consciousness of god.
I laugh to know that I am god alive,
for my eye is that eye of knowing flame
who sees myself exploring this strange world
while I blaze new trail of purpose for life
through dreaming wilderness of ripe fruit trees.
Now I stand face to face with you in joy
and see eye of knowing flame in your eye.