My Bride Despair

My Bride Despair
© Surazeus
2023 11 28

My bride Despair, who walks by my side, 
teaches me nothing about love or faith 
beyond simplicity of being alive 
with the awful beauty and sublime pain 
of existing in this body of flesh, 
refusing to shriek at silence of God. 

With black eyes brighter than full midnight moon 
graceful Despair guides me on signless road 
past ruins of ancient empires that lie 
strewn on plains where my ancestors are buried 
though their souls are alive in my mind now, 
preserving memories of their strife to live. 

Knowing that no omniscient God exists 
except as atoms pulsing in my brain, 
I hold hands with Despair as we explore 
graveyards of kings who thought they ruled the world 
because I find no truth on this vast Earth 
except that heart-wrenching grief blooms in joy. 

Though exhaust from factories and cars taint 
our crystal atmosphere with searing heat 
that causes wild hurricanes, floods, and fires 
which shatter global system of empires, 
I fear no destructive apocalypse 
for Earth will birth more souls after we die. 

Eternal darkness of star-conjured light 
blossoms outward from zero of our bones 
to multiply conceptual souls through faith 
into billions of strangers on one planet 
fighting each other for whose God is real 
till we all crumble into singing dust. 

When I feel alone in vastness of time, 
my conscious mind frail flicker of dim light 
between eternal nothingness of me, 
I find sweet Despair sitting by the hearth 
where we roast fish while drinking apple cider, 
then share stories of death after we eat. 

Awed by strange beauty of this spinning Earth, 
crowded with people searching for the Truth, 
I conclude from study of global history 
that though we humans struggling to survive 
are not all equal in our suffering, 
yet we are equal in mortality. 

Instead of screaming at the pain of life, 
caused by injustice of success and loss, 
I stand high on peak of Mount Helicon 
and sing from center of my aching bones 
about weird beauty of eternal light 
that spirals from first flash of the big bang. 

I no longer wonder with mute surprise 
at why there is something rather than nothing, 
for we are sacred as we glow with being, 
so I make with love with Despair, my soul mate 
who generates new children from my seed 
who will ask these questions again someday. 

The abstract formulates the physical, 
the mystical blossoms from the concrete, 
and the spirit emanates from the body, 
so I walk with Despair, true God I love, 
whose diamond kaleidoscope soul refracts 
conceptual beauty of our nothingness. 

With Despair by my side on road of life, 
I journey down to the springs of the sea 
deep in sunless recess of the abyss 
where our bodies evolved from chemicals 
woven by hope at hydrothermal vents, 
inspired by love to climb the highest mountain. 

Now that I have seen gates of deepest darkness, 
to comprehend vast expanses of Earth, 
I answer Faceless Spirit of the Sky 
that I am atoms woven in one brain 
who dreams myself alive with ancient flame, 
so I design myself beyond my name.