Puzzle Of Chemical Pain

Puzzle Of Chemical Pain
© Surazeus
2024 11 19

It is most unnecessary for you 
to know all the suffering I must endure 
each day I wake from restless dreams of hope 
and perform rituals that keep me alive 
another dozen years or so till I 
crumble into the nothingness of time. 

I will never tell you the pain I feel 
buzzing through fragile shell of my faint soul 
in jittery jangles of nauseous disgust, 
unexplainable throbbings of despair 
that dispel grand visions of helpful play 
in favor of surviving day by day. 

This torso of Apollo, lithe with grace, 
I once inhabited in fertile youth, 
deteriorates through excess of lusty angst 
to fractured puzzle of chemical pain 
since I lost my Ozymandian head 
somewhere in futile battle against death. 

Yet wrenching storm of anguish that bombards 
fragile ecosystem of flashing nerves 
in hostile blitz of dizzy-dazzling pain, 
subsides from wild tsunami surge of tides 
to calm glow of imperceptible ache 
that leaves me floating with strain of relief. 

I cannot let you see my suffering 
that twists my care-free passion into fear,
so I base frail chaotic tremble firm 
with stiff exertion of tense self-control 
to maintain balance on tightrope of grace 
bound whole with civil respect for strong faith. 

While trembling on tightrope of earnest faith 
high over abyss of eternity, 
Zarathustra declares he has achieved 
strength of the Superman who overcomes 
weakness of fear in suffering he endures, 
for what kills me not makes me strong as God. 

After crossing Bridge of Forgetfulness, 
I leave bleak wasteland of blind faith in God 
to search the Promised Land of free-grown fruit 
for Holy Grail which generates new life, 
so I teach my son how to serve the People 
instead of exploiting them for his gain. 

Since I have resurrected in this life, 
ascending pyramid of social power 
to rule the People with merciful love, 
I guard my wife whose heart regenerates 
new body for immortal soul of genes 
in child who incarnates me as I die.