Accept The Nothingness

Accept The Nothingness
© Surazeus
2024 11 29

When I sink in the black sea of my heart 
and disappear in strange sorrow of time, 
I chortle and go skipping down the street 
to prove to myself my misery is lame, 
since no one else can see angel of death 
who appears only in my cold-day breath. 

Stuck in the middle of the happy sea, 
alone in the lonely boat of desire, 
I search my leather bag for broken key 
that is supposed to open every door, 
till black shadow of death inside my heart 
plots new course on my upside-down star chart. 

Arriving on the muddy Texas shore, 
with nothing but resentment and despair, 
I open my used paperback book store 
where I serve sweet coffee and cake to lure 
shadow of Death away from customers 
so they can read in peace for thirty years. 

Trapped in my sad marriage thirty-nine years, 
I leave everything behind in the house 
and walk the signless road with clowns and queers 
who wake the tigress in the church-shy mouse, 
so, dressed like Marilyn Monroe, I sing 
about the pleasure of love that can sting. 

Stealing colt pistol from my ninth boyfriend, 
I walk one thousand miles in desert waste, 
telling vultures I want to meet James Bond, 
but I can never escape my dark past, 
so I ask Satan at the motel pool 
if he can pay for my graduate school. 

I want to earn my horse-nursing degree, 
learning how to whisper state secret codes, 
since I hope that Pecos Bill will hire me, 
but I wander in swamp of Buddha Toads 
who chant that the secret to happiness 
is let go and accept the nothingness. 

Weird randomness of events in my life 
convince me God is playing jokes on me, 
so I tell Jesus I want to be his wife, 
but he just says the truth will set me free, 
so I wear mask of Jackie Kennedy 
to reign as Dragon Queen of Xanadu. 

Now that I am near the end of my play, 
I remove ten thousand masks of dead ghosts 
but never find my own real secret face, 
till Lucifer explains what true love costs, 
so I hold hands with Death at the last hour, 
safe at last as Rapunzel in my tower.