Chaos Of Ambivalence

Chaos Of Ambivalence
© Surazeus
2024 06 17

Alongside strangers on the road of life, 
together in comfortable solitude, 
I stretch my soul around the bulging world 
through multivalent forces of desire 
on shifting sand dunes of ambivalence 
to meet lonely nemesis of my heart. 

For every road I choose on quest of life 
I never walk ten thousand other roads 
where I will always meet success and doom, 
for where I fall on journey of my hope 
to ponder fortune of ambivalence 
makes no difference to the mindless sun. 

Hesitant to declare what fate I choose, 
I weigh options of grim indifference 
through performance my nature must express 
based on consequence from cause and effect 
because I protect my ambivalence 
when I interrogate the changing world. 

To inhabit contradictions of being, 
reflected in fluid mirror of love 
that flows from darkness of my psychic well, 
effaced by hand of mind-transforming wind, 
I unspool my faith through ambivalence 
which reconstitutes dream of my world view. 

With change my soul will crystallize in time 
by weaving memories of timeless hours 
in vibrant tapestry of wordless fear, 
revealed by dramatic scenes of intent 
that balance opposing ambivalence 
through state of simultaneous desires. 

Concealed by my intertwined double self, 
as creator and consumer of dreams, 
while forever searching Uncertainty 
for truth beyond knowledge I can perceive, 
I remain content with ambivalence 
that leads me into weird valley of ghosts. 

Because I cannot choose not to be me, 
assimilating truth with hungry eyes 
that devour darkness of sun-blazing love, 
I assert negation of why I am 
that buzzes my brain with ambivalence 
alive through shock of electric insight. 

To be or not to be is my true quest 
for, as I slog in quicksand of my heart 
through existential angst of honest faith, 
I dredge insight from murk of secret lust 
to answer chaos of ambivalence 
with quirky dance of wistful elegance.