I Try To Change Myself

I Try To Change Myself
© Surazeus
2023 07 16

Awake in weird sense of eternity 
that pulses with soft beating of my heart, 
I contemplate the long road of my life 
to analyze value of my success 
by progress of my path in the waste land 
through random events that become my fate. 

Amazed that I am still alive this hour, 
I stand with silent awe in public square 
to watch how multitudes of people live 
through desperate struggle to evade death 
by choosing to believe with hopeful will 
that our souls still glow after bodies die. 

With spells my mother taught me how to sing 
I talk straight to myself with silent heed 
to emphasize vigilant sympathy 
for fierce attention to strict scrutiny 
when I measure progress of my attempt 
to change myself so I become myself. 

Through receptivity of eager faith 
I try to change myself with grim intent 
and fight the angry demon in my heart 
when I correct projection of my thoughts 
so I will create rather than destroy 
structures of atoms that vibrate with life. 

Quixote fights against ungrateful lust 
to free innocent people from hard chains 
of social duty to family and state 
by guarding Dulcinea with bold deeds 
so she can exercise choice of free will 
when she decides whom to reincarnate. 

Hamlet agitates against tyranny 
to fight for equal rights of every soul 
so we live as we will, if we harm none, 
through eloquent assessment of intent 
to exercise free will in how we love 
as he performs role of his tragic fate. 

Programming roles textual characters play 
as concepts of men who assert free will, 
I combine Hamlet, Quixote, and Satan 
as spiritual guide for the cosmic herald 
to mock vain men who think they can evade 
indifferent nothingness of gentle Death. 

With every painful experience I sense 
expansion of conscious will to perceive 
complex nature of our vast universe 
so I evade Death as I find myself 
reflected in the mirror of my dreams 
till I vanish in nothingness of death.