Forever In My Nothingness

Forever In My Nothingness
© Surazeus
2023 04 18

The discombobulating fact of sleep 
blanks my consciousness of being alive 
so I sink into lightless gloom of death 
to float forever in my nothingness, 
then snap awake to light with mute surprise 
as I emerge from voiceless realm of Hell. 

The heart-enchanting fact of dreamless sleep 
frazzles my brain with visions of light fairies 
flitting about gloomy garden at dusk, 
so I hear voices singing in shocked woods 
strange haunting melodies of fractured love 
that ring about me on the wave-washed isle. 

No sign-bound road can lead me to my home 
too far away across high jagged hills 
for me to feel hot shimmer of my moon 
kiss sweat-stained body tangled in my skin 
with wordless anguish of desperate desire 
to generate life from my bleeding heart. 

No nameless ghosts of people I once loved 
can haunt my buzzing mind with cry of hope 
though planes drop bombs on temple of my fear 
to blast illusions of love to bright dust 
swirling slow in soft breeze of afternoons 
while I still wait in houseless door for you. 

Sweet agony of our forbidden love, 
which fuels my journey to the Promised Land, 
retreats with surging angst of ocean tides 
exposing jagged island of our faith 
as fragile delusion blown lost in wind 
of breathless laughter from celestial will. 

Sour ecstasy of our arrogant love, 
which motivates performance of my role, 
dictates my fate through choices I must make 
in certain fortitude ensconced by fear 
because to walk one path miscalculates 
best of all possible worlds I must seek. 

Stunned by sharp shock of each exploding bomb, 
I wake from disenchanted sleep of death 
to walk the nowhere road of hungry hope 
through smoking ruins of our bombed-out town 
to wonder why God would allow this Hell 
since I now realize Heaven is not real. 

Surprised that I resurrect from my death, 
I float forever in my nothingness, 
surrounded by masks my ancestors wore 
ten thousand years of struggles to survive 
choatic turmoil of each wild world war 
that we survive by planting apple trees.